I'm not the kind of person who ever stays in one place. For most of my internet history I have been a digital vagabond, creating new accounts and starting new connections without ever making my presence known. Rarely is it ever due to a dissatisfaction with my own identity, even if I may be unhappy with many qualities about myself. I generally keep things consistent across all my "identities" while also trying to improve myself in anyway I can. Anyone who knows me personally is familiar with how transparent and avowed I am. I believe this makes most people I interact with trustworthy of my character to feel comfortable telling me practically any detail without worry of the possibility that it might result in some bad consequences. I would say that I'm proud of this, and I most certainly am, though this lifestyle results in a very lonely and insecure life.

I'm not the only of this kind, infact these "lurkers" exist all over the internet. Think about how many initiated users with recently created and low activity accounts you come across on any social media platform. When I was still using twitter I came across these accounts everywhere. Do yourself a favor and dig through the public non-verbal interactions (likes, follows, reposts) on a site like twitter and take a count of how many of those you find on a hobby-centered page. Dozens of young accounts with little public interactions, yet with activity that appears well-versed as if they had been on the platform for years.

This is easy to do on a social media platform. Too easy to do. For the longest time I thought that maybe this was because I had some kind of personality disorder, because I didn't know who I was and had to compensate by creating new identities. Maybe some of that is true. But recently I thought about it more and noticed a pattern that I hadn't noticed until I made this blog. But for me to explain that I need to talk about the main social media platforms.

First off, video platforms, which are not only the platforms I use the most, but they are also the ones I have created the least accounts on. I've used the same accounts since I first signed up in elementary school. Now the reason for this is very simple, I don't "use" video platforms, like Instagram or YouTube. Now I don't mean "use" as in scroll through the feed and interact with posts, but rather post anything. I've posted videos in the past and I won't talk too much detail on that, but my issue with videos is that they make you too noticable. Unlike a twitter feed where you just sort of fly by, in a video, of any kind, you become the centre of attention for far too long which is not a style of interaction I enjoy having, especially on any scale outside of my circle. Because of this, I don't ever care about tweaking the way I look, not unless I attract a large enough group of people to where I do not know what to expect of any person I interact with using that account. The traffic that flows by your posts is overwhelming to the point it feels as if you are drowning. It's hard to post anything of sentiment in an environment like that. There is no creating for the sake of creating on a video platform. There is only creating for the sake of attention. Any artist or creator who tells you otherwise thinks you're an idiot and is lying to your face.

Messaging services like Discord on the contrary, are very personal, however ironically enough that is what makes it so bad. Discord is a service that allows you to have very personal conversations with people. There is no auto-moderation on Discord like there is on twitter or video platforms like YouTube. You can say and post anything as long as it does not get reported, or worse, screenshotted. The worst people I have ever met was on Discord. The most vile, vitriolic, hateful, and outright demented things I have ever read has been on Discord. The worst, most evil people I have ever met was on Discord. There is nothing stopping someone from having those discussions on apps like Telegram, or Matrix. Yet, nobody uses those services unless they want to share CP. As long as you want to talk to somebody on the regular, with screensharing and voice chat, you gotta use Discord. A service that logs everything you post. Now, me changing accounts might not do much in the grand scheme of things, but it allows me to start fresh and out of sight from unwanted parties.

All platforms are guilty of the criminal ways in how how they collect your data, and to make matters worse, for the privelege of using their service you are forced to sacrifice your own agency. You get little options in customizing your page, you get silenced for having the wrong opinion, and zero control over your own feed as they force you to keep your attention on their curated feed. None of these platforms have any respect for the user. That may not be enough for me to create a new identity entirely whenever possible, but it does incentivize me more and more to create my own platform for my own blogging purposes, and make the jump back to linux where I have full agency over my own computer. I'm not really video editing as a job anymore, so I have no more reasons to stay on windows. Besides, I've been wanting to try out KdenLive for some time now. I've heard it's decent. I'll think of something to make.

I believe that is what fellow digital nomads crave. Independence. Freedom from the heavy traffic of major services and the ability to curate their own platform for their own interests and hobbies. Though, while the convenience of having an existing platform came with the sacrifice of agency, the same happens with digital freedom, and that is convenience. While yes, you have the options of downloading dozens of web templates and linux distributions with builtin installers, but that route also requires you let go of agency for the sake of convenience. It's not something you can escape by simply using pre-made tools. It's a step in the right direction. A suitable option for an inexperienced user or a normal guy looking for something ThatJustWorks™, but a digital nomad likely does not want a generic environment. They likely feel compelled to sacrifice their convenience if it means they are given control.

Some may consider the lack of traffic a sacrifice, but I certainly do not think of it as such. Rather, that's exactly what I was looking for. A public, unfiltered, personal journal for any of my peers and any passerbys to read. A passerby to umagi.xyz would not be someone who stumbled upon here by means of some kind of social media algorithm. It would have instead been through a peer, a shared link, or by mere luck as it used to be. I consider that a blessing.

But as said in the first paragraph, it is lonely. Though, not any less than it was before.

I think of it as living in the city. There are too many people for one person to be visible, not unless an individual wants to be. As if you are looking for the queen in a pile of bees. A personal website is like moving to the country. Far less people in your general area, and far less traffic coming by your way. But a more local and "connected" community where everything is slow, personal and predictable.

Life is better when it's slow. You don't feel as mentally ill when everything doesn't feel so overwhelming. And the freedom it grants is far too valuable to discard. Freedom over convenience.